The Quintessential Blog of Adam Kuhn

This is Andy McKee; he’s better at guitar than you are.

I’ve been sick since last Tuesday and this is starting to piss me off. Basically, I’ve all the symptoms of Strep Throat, except for the fever. I’ve actually had the opposite of that – my temperature has been hovering the 95º-96º range.

Hopefully I can get over this soon.

Anyways, since this post doesn’t have anything cool, you get some more CollegeHumor.com pictures.

Coolest. Monkey. EVER.

Is it ok to joke about him now? Who cares, this is funny!

Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, and if you didn’t get a chance to do so, don’t sweat, I’ll probably have another birthday in a year or so.

Unfortunately, my jacket was taken by mistake or on purpose at the rail on Saturday night, and in the pocket was my wallet and car key. Luckily, I was carrying my ID and cash in my pocket, so the loss isn’t that bad.

Hopefully, my jacket will be returned with my wallet. It’s not like the culprit has much to gain, as we all know about my car and it’s “problems”. If not, I have a spare key at home and my wallet is replacable.

Apparently, the Gorgatron is taking the loss pretty hard (she just grabbed my by the face and licked me in the nose), so I’ve gotta go. Thanks to all that wished me a happy birthday.

We’ve had a wild rampage of room mate pranks going on around the household lately. It all started when Adrian hid my razor and tripped me, oh yeah, and when Dave “accidentally” burnt my eyebrow (and then decided to even it out by burning the other one).

I don’t quite remember the chronological order of things, or exactly how everything went down, so I’ll just list some of the pranks and who did them for all to see.

Adrain:

Dave:

Dave, Adrian, and Jared:

Me:

Keep in mind, most of my pranks were retaliatory. It seems that we are all evened up now, so the pranks my stop for a bit. However, we all have something in mind if they start up again – let’s hope for the sake of our health that they don’t.

So, I like to sit out by the UC and do my homework on beautiful days like today. Why? For the same reason most of us give: to take in the “sites.” But not only do I get to see plenty of beautiful women while completing my engineering mechanics homework, I see and hear the interactions between people (more specifically as this entery concerns, women).

It begins with the site of eachother. Somehow women possess a certain ability to sense other women in the vicinity. It’s not line of site, they can sense around corners and through walls. Who knows when they gained this ability?

So, once they’ve sensed eachother, they some how home in on eachother. When they catch first site of eachother, you can often witness a subdued wave towards eaother. Then they sort of shrug their shoulders and put on a half-excited smile as they venture towards eachother – a deception of excitement. A melancholy “Hiiiee” (emphasis on the “ee”) can be heard as they home in eachother, preparing for battle.

As they enclose within inches of eachother, one woman will open her arms as the other defenslessly submits to a dainty and insincere hug. This is where the deceit and deception begin. Through what sounds like a casual and harmless conversation of the past hours activities, they are secretly playing word games to plant gossip packing bombs in eachother’s social ring. These gossip bombs can be measured in megatons, just as the nuclear bombs of WWII were measured.

After minutes of coded words that may barely pass as English are exchange, the two girls part, usually with an effortless “Byyee” (again, emphasis on the “ee”) exhanged between them. At a critical distance, D = 2 meters, both parties retract the meaningless smile they once wore and instead show a face of determination, a determination to destroy their enemy’s social faculty. Their weapon of choice? A small device, which we will call a “celly” (let’s be technical here), used to instantly alert their comrads of impending doom or strike efforts to be mounted later that night. Tactical details often include which outfits have been worn and what the enemy plans to wear and has worn so far.

All this in a 2 minute conversation. Mount up troops, this one may take us into the night.

- Adam Kuhn

Last night was my first night of having social life in 2 weeks. 3 hours of sleep each night has become routine, but I’m working on being less busy now (if that makes any sense). Anyways, Jeff, Steve, and I threw a somewhat successful and funfilled SPS party at Steve’s place. Less than 15 of us managed to take down a 1/4 barrel with no problems. Jeff certainly drank his fair share!

After the SPS party, we went over to Chris’s to continue drinking beers on the side of the road, fun times! We’ll definitely have to do it again. As always, our drunken escapades are augmented by Steve’s antics and animal impressions. My favorite is the rooster.

After a ride home from Adrian and Julie, I had some pizza and went to bed only slightly intoxicated by beer and majorly intoxicated with exhaustion. I wasn’t drunk, but I was dead tired. Here’s where the story gets interesting:

When everyone returned home from the bars, apparently I had to use the restroom. Now, keep in mind I remember nothing of this, the events you are reading now have all been reported to me by witnesses. Apparently, I emerged from bedroom in only a pair of boxers (that’s how I sleep at night) and I proceeded to the living room to adjust the thermostat – our thermostat only makes heat, so in a conscious state, I’d never touch it. After fiddling with the thermostat, I walked to Drea’s room and closed the door behind me. From what I’m told, I left the room about a minute later and mentioned to Reinen that he could use the bathroom if wanted to. I returned to bed.

Twenty minutes later, I woke up to hear dialogue between my room mates and neighbors: they were trying figure out why I had just entered Drea’s room and why I had urinated in a trash can in Drea’s room. That’s right, somehow I was sleep walking and went to the bathroom in a trash can in Drea’s room.

I’m positive that this is a sign I need to calm down with work and try to relax a bit more – definitely get some more sleep. Still, you gotta admit the above is pretty damn funny. At least I got it all in the trash can – things could have been much, much worse…

Stay tuned, there’s plenty more prose to come from Adam Kuhn this year.

So I used the men’s room on second floor of the old wing of Upham today. Not only did I find many interesting poems written and carved into the walls, I also got stuck in the stall.

Yes, that’s right, I got myself in, engaged the lock, and when I was ready to leave, the I could get the stall door to unlock. I tried with all my super strength and might to release the lock, but nothing would budge that thing. Consequently, I removed the stall door. And walked out.

Some of the things I saw on the walls:

Eat shit, Esker.
Fuck Delta X
Many other profanity filled poems.

I was impressed with the correct spelling and grammar used in the poems, despite their adult content. I guess that’s what you get from a building stocked with science majors.

Adam Kuhn signing off…