The Quintessential Blog of Adam Kuhn

I’m generally a pretty happy guy, but like the rest of you, there are things that just get on my nerves, especially on our road ways. These are a few of the ones that have plagued me lately.

Motor Homes

When did the American public think it would be a great idea to pack all of their belongings into a mobile monstrosity and take to the roads? It’s like the offenders woke up one day and said, “I want to piss off the rest of the American motorists.” What better way to do so? Pack all of your crap into a giant, slow-moving, gas-guzzling, white-trash moving machine and drive 20 mph under the speed limit, clogging up traffic.

Pack a tent, rent a hotel. It’s cheaper and more fun. There’s no reason to bring your entire kitchen dinette with you on your vacation. At the very least, if you’ve gotta compress your white trash nature into the confines of a mini mobile home, drive the freakin’ speed limit.

Horse Trailers

What could be worse than the aforementioned motor home? Horse trailers. Stupid, slow-moving, foul-smelling horse trailers. “Hey, let’s go 45 mph down the interstate and see how much we can clog up traffic! Say, you’re right, this sounds like a great idea to piss people off!”

Not only do they have the gargantuan trailer, but they’ve gotta have the diesel one-ton spewing foul nitrous oxides into the air. What could be worse? Oh yeah, towing your horse trailer behind the motor home.

Sedate the horse, hang it from the rafters – I don’t care; do what you have to do to be able to drive the speed limit. Buy a motorcycle, ride an ATV, they’re both faster than the horse and they don’t poop.

In China, they don’t tow the horse, they eat it.

Truck Nuts

Could this product scream white trash America any more? As if your truck wasn’t repulsive enough, you’ve gotta go hang a pair of testicles from it. Why don’t you just skip the bullshit and plaster a some “Death to towelheads” and “GWB for life” bumper stickers on your truck? Truck nuts are why the terrorists hate us.

It’s not funny, it’s not clever, it’s just stupid and embarrassing for the rest of us. Unfortunately, kicking your truck in the nuts doesn’t quite have the same effect as kicking you in the nuts, which needs to be done.

Thankfully, some of the American public is lashing out against your truck nuts. Ironically, the state shaped like a giant cock, has banned the display of truck nuts:

Florida Bans Truck Nuts

Let’s hope the rest of the country follows suit.

I like to think that I live a relatively happy life. But some things just get to me, so here are my top three pet peeves of the week:

1. Tailgaters & Traffic Jams

My commute to work (yes, I get to drive the beltline every day…) should take me an average of around 20 minutes. Yet, for the last few weeks, I’ve seen this time grow to over an hour and a half. Why? Tailgaters. They are the number one cause of traffic jams and accidents. When they creep up to less than a car length behind the next driver in front of them at over 70 mph, they risk their life and the driver’s life in front of them.

But there isn’t always wreck. We’ve all experienced it, the mysterious traffic jam that has no cause in sight. How the heck did it happen? The tailgater that had to slam on his brakes because the driver in front of him braked gently. This sudden slow down grows at an exponential rate through the line of traffic, much to the same effect that a wave travels through a shaken jump rope.

If any one safety feature is needed on cars these days, it should be an anti-tailgating feature. It’d be pretty easy to incorporate into a modern automobile.

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